Too much dogmatic Hallmark sludge has accumulated
In the pleural space of the lungs, and so I
Can’t even make my way through the grocery store
Without the abrasion of wondering. I am guilty until you prove otherwise,
Agonizing weight. Waiting to be chipped away at. Isn’t that proof
Of faith? This thing you and I can’t
See, but my back strains regardless? In place of what
I left behind, hands flail empty, graspless, too fidgety
For a confessional box, and so I meander when left to my own
Devices. I said all the wrong things, not to discount the ways you could
Be brutal to me, in ways that keep me up at night, blur reality with tired eyes,
Validate the extension of my wandering through
Last-chance seven dollar wine, overripe fruit, things stale stale stale–and
Even my cough tells, exposition in a period piece,
My voice mine and mine alone, even in strain–especially so–
Captain among these men of death.

I hate the surveillance capitalist state, but I wish
I could watch the parts of me I hid away, that
Someone less lazy than me had put in the time,
Done the legwork. It’s not so. They say predictability is
The thing that makes comfortable TV and responsible drivers.
Not only am I spaced-out and self-flagellating,
But I’m also a really bad driver. I’m not profitable, and when
I study myself, I find myself obscured
By the mysticism that I put there. There is this, the light of you,
And much larger, there are astigmatic rays washing over me,
Prismatic, consuming.

Men and trains and anything of that velocity could
Take someone out, especially if that someone had positioned
Themselves to be in such a circumstance, lips chapped and agape
Looking up at the Empire State Building, split in half by a penny.

What strange things I sought to cut my teeth on,
Still souring my mouth when I wake from dreams.

A distorted Phoebe Bridgers song is pan-fried
Through the tin of the speakers, the ones older than
Me or anyone I might be looking for, anyone I might be hoping
Will look for me, as I call a draw again, leave
The way I came in: know it’s for the
Better, know it’s for the better.